bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
