i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
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Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
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We're too hungover to prance.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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