that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
