Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
