Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
