Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
