I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
