i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
