Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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