C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
His hands were made for my vagina.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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