A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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