Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
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That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
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I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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