Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
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