Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
