Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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