the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
