they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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