i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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