Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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