don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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