They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
