just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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