Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
