the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
