Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize