You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
