When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
