There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He kissed a someone with a penis
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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