Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Is it penis luge time yet?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
