If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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