my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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