M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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