he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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