I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
