i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
don't judge my taste in strippers
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
