it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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