I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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