I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
