If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
