I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
