She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
