if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
