i would punch a child for taco bell
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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