Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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