he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I love you. Go after that dick
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
