I can text with my tongue
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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