The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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