You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
