youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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