420 ftw
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
