He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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