you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize