all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
