So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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