She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
