Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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