I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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