You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
