she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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