is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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