She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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