I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Let's get the cat blown out
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
