I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
