ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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