Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
