He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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