Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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