theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
