you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
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The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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