Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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