im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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