Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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