What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
