I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
