Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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