My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My ass is underappreciated
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
