I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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