he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
