I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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