We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
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eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
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I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize