Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
