Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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